ready, set, go.

I'm ready to talk about it.

Let me break it down for you. Here it goes. Me putting it all out there.

Back in May a lot of things went down. I made a decision to try and fix my relationship with PCM. By doing that, I decided to take a break. That break became a bit more permanent than I expected. Like I said. He decided to do what was best for him, and I did what was best for me.

My life changed completely. My emotions were so raw, so real, so incredibly painful that I couldn't put into words how I felt. I just couldn't do it.

Let's get things straight I was not a very independent person. How was I going to live the rest of my life without him? We had so much fun together. It seemed like every part of my life he was a in it. Those pj pants. He bought them for me for Christmas. My favorite TV show. We used to watch marathons for days at a time. Friends. Over 60% of my friends were his friends too. I couldn't escape him. But I had to. See, that was the problem. I lost myself in him. I didn't know who I was without him. How did I get this far deep?

I got distracted with other things. I picked up the pieces of my heart and started my life as a single twentysomething.

I did things on my own. Sure, I missed him. But I was starting to like me. I'm a cool person. I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. Who I wanted to be. I had to make myself happy. Not worry about what made someone else happy.

I started to move on. I thought we were done. Never getting back together. I was fine, really. I was on my way to getting more than fine.

Then.

We saw each other.

A group of friends met at a bar. It was awkward seeing him. For the past few months he was just this idea in my head. In my head he stayed home every night and was sad about his life because I wasn't with him -- haha. He wasn't a real person who goes to the same bar as me.

I sat down. He sat next to me. I leaned over to ask him something, an hour later we joined back in with the group conversation. Chemistry was still there. Everything was still there.

It was all still there.

What did that mean?

We both didn't have a clue.

We talked some more the next night. Got shit straightened out. We kissed.

Yep, it was all still there.

We still didn't have a clue what to do. One big issue was still there. An issue with only one solution. We went on a few amazing dates. It was all still the freaking same. But I decided this dating business wasn't the right thing for me.

All or nothing, PCM.

You figure your business out, and I'll get mine.

So, we are friends right now. Friends with amazing chemistry and an amazing history. Friends is fine for now. Friends figuring it all out.

So, now the feelings aren't so raw. And I have enough strength to talk about it. I'm not scared shitless. I'm in a good place right now.

There you have it.

Awwww, SNAP.