another positive list

These always make me feel better.

Here we go. A short list of things that make me happy:

Pretending to be a lead singer in Rock Band.
Car dancing to FOB.
John Mayer, always, every day of my life.
Long distance friendships.
Facing things alone.
Lydia Earhart.
Radiohead tickets - yep, I got some!
Manicures.
Touch screens.
Tuna salads.
American Idol.

Movin' On

That's what I'm doing. I have to. It was a good try, I suppose. But apparently not enough, huh?

Deep breaths. It'll get easier each day.

I got this again, boo.

Amy Winehouse: Yes, Yes, Yes

I don't care what Natalie Cole says. I think Amy Winehouse deserves her Grammys, dammit.

That album is amazing, and if you don't own it, then go buy it. And if you can't afford it, I'll burn it for you. I love it. I just hope she doesn't kill herself before I have the chance to see her in concert.

P.S. I miss KLR's face more than Amy misses her Blake incarcerated

be here now.

I miss Sunday afternoons, laughing, talking, and bonding.

I miss COL high scores, sleep overs, Jim Miller Road chants, understanding, top 5 lists, talking points, face, love, tapes, and MOS cuddling.

I miss Old Navy trips, monkey gossiping, wedgies, plate tectonics, park days, editing, and candle lighting.

I miss tickle, tickle, outfit planning, shrimp busters, lunch dates, Weeds, sies, house hunting, car dancing, and exceptional friendship.

I miss John Mayer pump up sessions, room to room IM conversations, dance parties, Conan, and cough syrup chugging.

I miss road trips, pj pants borrowing, lazy mornings, DVD marathons, Saturday Sundown lunches, dancing, late night conversations, lip synching, and unconditional love.

five.

5 things everyone knows about me:
1. I abreev and/or add sies to most words.
2. I can't swim, therefore I don't like anything to do in the water.
3. I rarely clean my plate.
4. I have a nice ass.
5. I am a terrible speller.

5 things few people know about me:
1. I can't stand it when people put any type of cotton or really any kind of material in their mouth. It makes my teeth hurt.
2. I've never smoked a cigarette. Nope not even one.
3. Toilet paper commercials completely gross me out.
4. I unintentionally take the longest route possible to get places.
5. I am extremely self conscious about my legs.

5 things most people don't know about me:
1. I am afraid of reading aloud in front of people.
2. I am exceptionally talented at hovering over a toilet.
3. I have to sleep with a glass of water next to me ... you know, just in case.
4. I tend to judge people solely on their smile. Bad smile, they don't stand a chance.
5. I slept with my Cabbage Patch kid, Angelina, until I was in high school.

Boo Hoo

Every morning I wake up, get a shower, wash my face, and brush my teeth, turn on GMA and listen to it while I put makeup and get dressed. And 3 out of 5 mornings I tear up. Damn GMA. Whether it's a segment about a toddler surviving a plane crash or Robin Roberts walking down the runway and finally feeling pretty after battling breast cancer, I can't hold the waterworks back.

I don't shed a tear at Phantom of the Opera, but just turn on a little GMA and the tears can't stop flowing.

nights don't get much better than this

-Coffee with Paul, Lane, and the Larys.
-Making plans to go to ACL Fest with Lydia.
-Talking about breakups and hookups with Dad, JJ, and Matty.
-Seeing that Wilco is playing a show in driving distance.
-John Mayer's ass.

true love

This makes me happy.

leap year

It's 2008.

It's going to be fun.
It's going to be weird.
It's going to be good.
It's going to be new.
It's going to be positive.
It's going to be grand.

Here's to 2008.

that's what she said.

I can't stop watching The Office.

When it first came out I didn't want to like it. I ignored it. Even though John Krasisnki is absolutely amazing. No matter how many people told me how good it was or how many awards it received. In comes Emily Turner and her Office obsession. I swear she said I couldn't be friends with her if I didn't like the show. Ok maybe not. But I did start Tivoing the reruns on TBS.

Then ... this past weekend it all went downhill. I bought seasons 1,2, and 3. And really, I can't stop watching it. Really since Wednesday I have gone through season 1 and 2 and half way through with season 3. Why have I spent 10 or so hours in front of the tv? Maybe because I may have strep throat? Maybe because I don't have a life? Maybe because I like watching Michael Scott dancing? Maybe because I can't stop falling in love with Jim? Or maybe because the show is so freaking good. I think so.

Hug it out, bitch.

Mmmm

Hi. I am still here. Not much to say, I guess. Or I am just lazy. Maybe a combination of the two.

I have become obsessed with Drumsticks and David Beckham. Can I have a piece of David Beckham's drumstick? Delicious!

ready, set, go.

I'm ready to talk about it.

Let me break it down for you. Here it goes. Me putting it all out there.

Back in May a lot of things went down. I made a decision to try and fix my relationship with PCM. By doing that, I decided to take a break. That break became a bit more permanent than I expected. Like I said. He decided to do what was best for him, and I did what was best for me.

My life changed completely. My emotions were so raw, so real, so incredibly painful that I couldn't put into words how I felt. I just couldn't do it.

Let's get things straight I was not a very independent person. How was I going to live the rest of my life without him? We had so much fun together. It seemed like every part of my life he was a in it. Those pj pants. He bought them for me for Christmas. My favorite TV show. We used to watch marathons for days at a time. Friends. Over 60% of my friends were his friends too. I couldn't escape him. But I had to. See, that was the problem. I lost myself in him. I didn't know who I was without him. How did I get this far deep?

I got distracted with other things. I picked up the pieces of my heart and started my life as a single twentysomething.

I did things on my own. Sure, I missed him. But I was starting to like me. I'm a cool person. I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. Who I wanted to be. I had to make myself happy. Not worry about what made someone else happy.

I started to move on. I thought we were done. Never getting back together. I was fine, really. I was on my way to getting more than fine.

Then.

We saw each other.

A group of friends met at a bar. It was awkward seeing him. For the past few months he was just this idea in my head. In my head he stayed home every night and was sad about his life because I wasn't with him -- haha. He wasn't a real person who goes to the same bar as me.

I sat down. He sat next to me. I leaned over to ask him something, an hour later we joined back in with the group conversation. Chemistry was still there. Everything was still there.

It was all still there.

What did that mean?

We both didn't have a clue.

We talked some more the next night. Got shit straightened out. We kissed.

Yep, it was all still there.

We still didn't have a clue what to do. One big issue was still there. An issue with only one solution. We went on a few amazing dates. It was all still the freaking same. But I decided this dating business wasn't the right thing for me.

All or nothing, PCM.

You figure your business out, and I'll get mine.

So, we are friends right now. Friends with amazing chemistry and an amazing history. Friends is fine for now. Friends figuring it all out.

So, now the feelings aren't so raw. And I have enough strength to talk about it. I'm not scared shitless. I'm in a good place right now.

There you have it.

Awwww, SNAP.

BF

Did you see Grey's Anatomy tonight?

You know one of the last scenes when Izzy walks into her house and George is sitting there? And she and George say something like this:

Izzy: I'm in love with this incredible guy, and we are having problems. And my best friend, he would know what to say to me about it. I need to be able to talk to my best friend.
George: Why isn't this easier?
Izzy: I don't know.
George: Well, I want my best friend back.
Izzy: Me too.

I know exactly how that feels. Exactly. I'm sure most people know what that is like.

The thing is that while it really sucks, you make a new best friend. You find a new person. Not right away, and it takes a couple of tries, but you do.

You make it. Just give it some time.

But sometimes you still just want your best friend back. And that's ok. Time will heal that, too.

see, smell, hear, taste ...

There are a lot of pros and cons to being single. Sure, I am probably going to save a few hundred or so dollars at Christmas time. And, yeah, I don't have to worry about feeling guilty if I flirt with another guy.

And most of the cons I am fine with. Driving myself home after going out. Solution: talk on the phone or put on some really good music. Not sharing a bed. Solution: pile some pillows and cuddle up, or just spread out becuase I get the entire bed to myself.

But there is one con that is really bothering me. I blame it on my addiction of Pushing Daises and the one thing Ned and Chuck cannot do: touch.

No one touches me. No one hugs me on a regular basis. I don't have any hands to hold. I don't have any one to play with my hair. I don't have anyone to scratch my back after a long day. No one to lean on when my back hurts. I miss the invasion of personal space.

Come invade. Come scratch my back. Come hold my hand.

no, no, no

Do you ever feel like you are just fooling everyone? That one day they are bound to catch on?

Yeah, me too.

I am the sober Amy Winehouse in a second life. I was born to wear that much eyeliner.

boo.

All you need is love.
Love.
Love is all you need.

<3

burrrr rabbit

It's freezing outside! Ok, so it's not freezing -- it's just barely cold. But jacket cold. Maybe heater cold if you are a pansy like me. BUT! It's not hot. It's not even mildly warm. Ok, I'm saying it's cold.

IT'S COLD! Yay!

Oh, and this weekend I am going with two of my favorite gals, MT and KLR, to Dallas. Woohoo! Be very jealous. We are going to shop, stay at a fun/semi-fancy hotel, eat, and go see Maroon 5 (don't make fun!). Yep, you should be very jealous. We are amazing, and you are sad that you aren't going with us.

seriously.

I can't stop eating. Really. I. Can't. Stop.

The past week or so, I have been on a non-stop eating binge it seems. I'm blaming the womanly time of the month (tmi? sorry). This better stop soon.

What's for dinner?

beantown blues

I miss Boston.

Watching the Sox win game 6 of the ALCS followed by this week's Boston Legal made my heart ache for that place. The Commons, Newbury St., Steak Bomb, Beacon St., Wrap, Charles River, cemeteries, the North End, crazy homeless people, accents, over-priced meals, The Upper Crust, CVS, scamming the mass transit, window shopping for clothes I will never be able to afford, the Pru. I miss it all.

I want to go back.

I need to go back.

This is probably my favorite spot in the world.

5.0

Five years ago today I sent this text message -- "Can we talk?"
He thought I wanted to call things off.
Turns out, I wanted to call things on.
We had a really good 4.5 years. Amazing, really.
We are good now. Friends?
Maybe we will stay friends, maybe we will get back to "us." I'm not sure on that answer right now, but that's ok. We'll figure it out.
I am so lucky that for the past 5 years Patrick has been in my life. He has taught me so much about myself, about how strong I can be, about being a friend, about believing in myself, and most importantly how to have fun.

To five more years of here poochie poochie faces.