true love

This makes me happy.

leap year

It's 2008.

It's going to be fun.
It's going to be weird.
It's going to be good.
It's going to be new.
It's going to be positive.
It's going to be grand.

Here's to 2008.

that's what she said.

I can't stop watching The Office.

When it first came out I didn't want to like it. I ignored it. Even though John Krasisnki is absolutely amazing. No matter how many people told me how good it was or how many awards it received. In comes Emily Turner and her Office obsession. I swear she said I couldn't be friends with her if I didn't like the show. Ok maybe not. But I did start Tivoing the reruns on TBS.

Then ... this past weekend it all went downhill. I bought seasons 1,2, and 3. And really, I can't stop watching it. Really since Wednesday I have gone through season 1 and 2 and half way through with season 3. Why have I spent 10 or so hours in front of the tv? Maybe because I may have strep throat? Maybe because I don't have a life? Maybe because I like watching Michael Scott dancing? Maybe because I can't stop falling in love with Jim? Or maybe because the show is so freaking good. I think so.

Hug it out, bitch.

Mmmm

Hi. I am still here. Not much to say, I guess. Or I am just lazy. Maybe a combination of the two.

I have become obsessed with Drumsticks and David Beckham. Can I have a piece of David Beckham's drumstick? Delicious!

ready, set, go.

I'm ready to talk about it.

Let me break it down for you. Here it goes. Me putting it all out there.

Back in May a lot of things went down. I made a decision to try and fix my relationship with PCM. By doing that, I decided to take a break. That break became a bit more permanent than I expected. Like I said. He decided to do what was best for him, and I did what was best for me.

My life changed completely. My emotions were so raw, so real, so incredibly painful that I couldn't put into words how I felt. I just couldn't do it.

Let's get things straight I was not a very independent person. How was I going to live the rest of my life without him? We had so much fun together. It seemed like every part of my life he was a in it. Those pj pants. He bought them for me for Christmas. My favorite TV show. We used to watch marathons for days at a time. Friends. Over 60% of my friends were his friends too. I couldn't escape him. But I had to. See, that was the problem. I lost myself in him. I didn't know who I was without him. How did I get this far deep?

I got distracted with other things. I picked up the pieces of my heart and started my life as a single twentysomething.

I did things on my own. Sure, I missed him. But I was starting to like me. I'm a cool person. I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. Who I wanted to be. I had to make myself happy. Not worry about what made someone else happy.

I started to move on. I thought we were done. Never getting back together. I was fine, really. I was on my way to getting more than fine.

Then.

We saw each other.

A group of friends met at a bar. It was awkward seeing him. For the past few months he was just this idea in my head. In my head he stayed home every night and was sad about his life because I wasn't with him -- haha. He wasn't a real person who goes to the same bar as me.

I sat down. He sat next to me. I leaned over to ask him something, an hour later we joined back in with the group conversation. Chemistry was still there. Everything was still there.

It was all still there.

What did that mean?

We both didn't have a clue.

We talked some more the next night. Got shit straightened out. We kissed.

Yep, it was all still there.

We still didn't have a clue what to do. One big issue was still there. An issue with only one solution. We went on a few amazing dates. It was all still the freaking same. But I decided this dating business wasn't the right thing for me.

All or nothing, PCM.

You figure your business out, and I'll get mine.

So, we are friends right now. Friends with amazing chemistry and an amazing history. Friends is fine for now. Friends figuring it all out.

So, now the feelings aren't so raw. And I have enough strength to talk about it. I'm not scared shitless. I'm in a good place right now.

There you have it.

Awwww, SNAP.

BF

Did you see Grey's Anatomy tonight?

You know one of the last scenes when Izzy walks into her house and George is sitting there? And she and George say something like this:

Izzy: I'm in love with this incredible guy, and we are having problems. And my best friend, he would know what to say to me about it. I need to be able to talk to my best friend.
George: Why isn't this easier?
Izzy: I don't know.
George: Well, I want my best friend back.
Izzy: Me too.

I know exactly how that feels. Exactly. I'm sure most people know what that is like.

The thing is that while it really sucks, you make a new best friend. You find a new person. Not right away, and it takes a couple of tries, but you do.

You make it. Just give it some time.

But sometimes you still just want your best friend back. And that's ok. Time will heal that, too.

see, smell, hear, taste ...

There are a lot of pros and cons to being single. Sure, I am probably going to save a few hundred or so dollars at Christmas time. And, yeah, I don't have to worry about feeling guilty if I flirt with another guy.

And most of the cons I am fine with. Driving myself home after going out. Solution: talk on the phone or put on some really good music. Not sharing a bed. Solution: pile some pillows and cuddle up, or just spread out becuase I get the entire bed to myself.

But there is one con that is really bothering me. I blame it on my addiction of Pushing Daises and the one thing Ned and Chuck cannot do: touch.

No one touches me. No one hugs me on a regular basis. I don't have any hands to hold. I don't have any one to play with my hair. I don't have anyone to scratch my back after a long day. No one to lean on when my back hurts. I miss the invasion of personal space.

Come invade. Come scratch my back. Come hold my hand.

no, no, no

Do you ever feel like you are just fooling everyone? That one day they are bound to catch on?

Yeah, me too.

I am the sober Amy Winehouse in a second life. I was born to wear that much eyeliner.

boo.

All you need is love.
Love.
Love is all you need.

<3

burrrr rabbit

It's freezing outside! Ok, so it's not freezing -- it's just barely cold. But jacket cold. Maybe heater cold if you are a pansy like me. BUT! It's not hot. It's not even mildly warm. Ok, I'm saying it's cold.

IT'S COLD! Yay!

Oh, and this weekend I am going with two of my favorite gals, MT and KLR, to Dallas. Woohoo! Be very jealous. We are going to shop, stay at a fun/semi-fancy hotel, eat, and go see Maroon 5 (don't make fun!). Yep, you should be very jealous. We are amazing, and you are sad that you aren't going with us.

seriously.

I can't stop eating. Really. I. Can't. Stop.

The past week or so, I have been on a non-stop eating binge it seems. I'm blaming the womanly time of the month (tmi? sorry). This better stop soon.

What's for dinner?

beantown blues

I miss Boston.

Watching the Sox win game 6 of the ALCS followed by this week's Boston Legal made my heart ache for that place. The Commons, Newbury St., Steak Bomb, Beacon St., Wrap, Charles River, cemeteries, the North End, crazy homeless people, accents, over-priced meals, The Upper Crust, CVS, scamming the mass transit, window shopping for clothes I will never be able to afford, the Pru. I miss it all.

I want to go back.

I need to go back.

This is probably my favorite spot in the world.

5.0

Five years ago today I sent this text message -- "Can we talk?"
He thought I wanted to call things off.
Turns out, I wanted to call things on.
We had a really good 4.5 years. Amazing, really.
We are good now. Friends?
Maybe we will stay friends, maybe we will get back to "us." I'm not sure on that answer right now, but that's ok. We'll figure it out.
I am so lucky that for the past 5 years Patrick has been in my life. He has taught me so much about myself, about how strong I can be, about being a friend, about believing in myself, and most importantly how to have fun.

To five more years of here poochie poochie faces.

Season for thanks.

Things I am thankful for today:
My amazing mom.
Lunch traditions.
Project Runway marathons.
Waking up early.
Good girlfriends.
The Beatles.
Mix CDs.
Vegetables.
Honesty.

I'm sure there are more. But those are the important ones for the moment.

<3

shut up

Please. Just shut up.

I cannot stand it when people come in during the middle my favorite show and start asking questions. Especially when they haven't seen any episodes of the season. I cant take a simple question here and there, because, I even forget some stuff. But to come in being all loud and asking questions that you would have known had you watched any episodes at all and then repeat the question when no one has answered you. Don't you get it that we are trying to pay attention to the show, and I don't know it may be an important part? Just shut your face, please.

What's next? Asking me to sit down during a concert? Oh, yeah. Been there done that.

You know what I'm saying, b?

Can we watch the MOS dvd together curled up on a couch?

:)

Things that make me smile.
Diabetus.
Bad acting on Private Practice where a man kicks his dead wife's grave, then pets it.
White Zynf.
Planning birthday parties.
Tuesday night catch up sessions.
Impulsive WalMart shopping trips.
Gmail emoticons.
Myspace stalking.
Top Model makeovers.
EW.com TV Watch.
Salads.
New love for raw red onions.
Peep toe pumps and flats.
Hoodies.
KLR.
Robin Roberts.
Feta cheese.
Any kind of cheese.
Big Sam.
Bangs.
Love.
And of course, MIGAS!

No one ever tells James Bond which way to go.

I am at home at 4:45 watching Notting Hill. I love it. I miss afternoons to myself. I can get so much done. Like blogging, watching TV, snacks, going to the dr. only to have them reschedule because she has to deliver a baby (by all means don't let me stop you from bringing a human being into the world), getting the hanging down plastic thing on my car fixed. See? Lots of stuff I can get done.

I really do miss being in college. Naps, no worries, being surrounded by friends, grilled stuffed burrito nights, front porches, staying up late, Japanese food trips. Yep, I miss it. But I am starting to like this life.

Today was my one year anniversary at work. I celebrated it by taking the afternoon off for a half day sick day. One year. Already? Geez. Sometimes I feel like I finally have some sort of grasp on my job, and some days I feel as lost as I did one year ago.

things.

-If you haven't watching the new ABC show "Pushing Daisies," then go to abc.com and watch it online. It's amazing. Very Big Fish-ish. The boy is cute, the girl is a Zoe Deschanel twin. And pies and raising people from the dead are involved. Amazing.

-Speaking of TV. I am loving the fall lineup. Grey's is coming back to its roots. Not quite there, yet, but it's on it's way. Desperate Housewives is looking like it's going to be a good season. And Boston Legal. How much do I love Boston Legal? AMILLION! That's how much. Seriously, go rent all of the seasons, or just start watching this one. You will fall in love. It takes place in Boston, William Shatner is in it, AND AND a cute British girl is the new lawyer. She rocks my world. And then there are the old stand bys ... ANTM, LA Ink, Ugly Betty, and you know my thoughts on Dancing with the Stars.

-My mom was home this weekend. It was a much needed visit. We just hung out and cooked the entire time. Oh, and watched Dancing with the Stars. Apparently, we can't get enough. I will be sad to see her go tomorrow. But it'll be ok.

-I'm about ready for the holidays. Or at least some cooler weather. Target has some pretty cute jackets, and I want to be all up on it. Come on fall breeze, where are you?

-I have a slight, ok not so slight, obsession with social networks. OBSESSED. I can't stop. I need to take control over it. I don't know what it is about facebook and myspace. I just constantly check it. I'm going to work on it.

-I need some new good reads. Any ideas? I want like good meaty reading material. Something to feed my mind.

-I'm ready for my life to be settled. I haven't been settled in about a year. Things will look like they are settling, and then bam it gets all stirred back up again. Just ready for something stable. It's coming soon. I'm excited about it.

-My grandmother is absolutely fabulous. I love her so, so much.

America's Next Top Dancing Mom

I just cried while watching America's Next Top Model.
Yes, you read that right.
I just cried while watching America's Next Top Model.
What is wrong with me?

Poor Heather.
Heather suffers from Asperger's syndrome and of course the other girls picked on her. No surprise there. So, Heather turned to her mom for some advice. She couldn't hold back the tears. Her mom told her to keep her chin up, and like any good mom, be kind to the other girls. I suppose Heather's need for her mom's comforting words may have hit a little close to home.

I called my mom tonight crying. Balling actually. My mom moved about 2 months ago to New Orleans. It's been an adjustment to say the least. I couldn't hold back anymore how much I missed her. I cried, she cried. Then what did we do to make ourselves feel better? Discuss this season's Dancing With the Stars. Oh, ABC's fall lineup. How I have missed you so. Mom and I may be 333 miles away, but nothing will cheer us up like a good C-list celebrity Fox Trot.

Period.

Standing in an obnoxiously long line at Albertson's.

Painter Man: I'm not ready for that self check out, just yet.
Me: Oh yeah? I would do it, but I have this motion to bottle of wine in one hand, while trying not to drop bag of chips and two boxes of feminine products in the other.
PM: Ha, yeah.
Manager: I'm going to open this register, just follow me.
I follow PM to the open register. PM motions me to get infront of him in line.
PM: You ... um ... have ... less items than me. Go ahead.
Me: Thanks!