that's what she said.

I can't stop watching The Office.

When it first came out I didn't want to like it. I ignored it. Even though John Krasisnki is absolutely amazing. No matter how many people told me how good it was or how many awards it received. In comes Emily Turner and her Office obsession. I swear she said I couldn't be friends with her if I didn't like the show. Ok maybe not. But I did start Tivoing the reruns on TBS.

Then ... this past weekend it all went downhill. I bought seasons 1,2, and 3. And really, I can't stop watching it. Really since Wednesday I have gone through season 1 and 2 and half way through with season 3. Why have I spent 10 or so hours in front of the tv? Maybe because I may have strep throat? Maybe because I don't have a life? Maybe because I like watching Michael Scott dancing? Maybe because I can't stop falling in love with Jim? Or maybe because the show is so freaking good. I think so.

Hug it out, bitch.

Mmmm

Hi. I am still here. Not much to say, I guess. Or I am just lazy. Maybe a combination of the two.

I have become obsessed with Drumsticks and David Beckham. Can I have a piece of David Beckham's drumstick? Delicious!

ready, set, go.

I'm ready to talk about it.

Let me break it down for you. Here it goes. Me putting it all out there.

Back in May a lot of things went down. I made a decision to try and fix my relationship with PCM. By doing that, I decided to take a break. That break became a bit more permanent than I expected. Like I said. He decided to do what was best for him, and I did what was best for me.

My life changed completely. My emotions were so raw, so real, so incredibly painful that I couldn't put into words how I felt. I just couldn't do it.

Let's get things straight I was not a very independent person. How was I going to live the rest of my life without him? We had so much fun together. It seemed like every part of my life he was a in it. Those pj pants. He bought them for me for Christmas. My favorite TV show. We used to watch marathons for days at a time. Friends. Over 60% of my friends were his friends too. I couldn't escape him. But I had to. See, that was the problem. I lost myself in him. I didn't know who I was without him. How did I get this far deep?

I got distracted with other things. I picked up the pieces of my heart and started my life as a single twentysomething.

I did things on my own. Sure, I missed him. But I was starting to like me. I'm a cool person. I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. Who I wanted to be. I had to make myself happy. Not worry about what made someone else happy.

I started to move on. I thought we were done. Never getting back together. I was fine, really. I was on my way to getting more than fine.

Then.

We saw each other.

A group of friends met at a bar. It was awkward seeing him. For the past few months he was just this idea in my head. In my head he stayed home every night and was sad about his life because I wasn't with him -- haha. He wasn't a real person who goes to the same bar as me.

I sat down. He sat next to me. I leaned over to ask him something, an hour later we joined back in with the group conversation. Chemistry was still there. Everything was still there.

It was all still there.

What did that mean?

We both didn't have a clue.

We talked some more the next night. Got shit straightened out. We kissed.

Yep, it was all still there.

We still didn't have a clue what to do. One big issue was still there. An issue with only one solution. We went on a few amazing dates. It was all still the freaking same. But I decided this dating business wasn't the right thing for me.

All or nothing, PCM.

You figure your business out, and I'll get mine.

So, we are friends right now. Friends with amazing chemistry and an amazing history. Friends is fine for now. Friends figuring it all out.

So, now the feelings aren't so raw. And I have enough strength to talk about it. I'm not scared shitless. I'm in a good place right now.

There you have it.

Awwww, SNAP.

BF

Did you see Grey's Anatomy tonight?

You know one of the last scenes when Izzy walks into her house and George is sitting there? And she and George say something like this:

Izzy: I'm in love with this incredible guy, and we are having problems. And my best friend, he would know what to say to me about it. I need to be able to talk to my best friend.
George: Why isn't this easier?
Izzy: I don't know.
George: Well, I want my best friend back.
Izzy: Me too.

I know exactly how that feels. Exactly. I'm sure most people know what that is like.

The thing is that while it really sucks, you make a new best friend. You find a new person. Not right away, and it takes a couple of tries, but you do.

You make it. Just give it some time.

But sometimes you still just want your best friend back. And that's ok. Time will heal that, too.

see, smell, hear, taste ...

There are a lot of pros and cons to being single. Sure, I am probably going to save a few hundred or so dollars at Christmas time. And, yeah, I don't have to worry about feeling guilty if I flirt with another guy.

And most of the cons I am fine with. Driving myself home after going out. Solution: talk on the phone or put on some really good music. Not sharing a bed. Solution: pile some pillows and cuddle up, or just spread out becuase I get the entire bed to myself.

But there is one con that is really bothering me. I blame it on my addiction of Pushing Daises and the one thing Ned and Chuck cannot do: touch.

No one touches me. No one hugs me on a regular basis. I don't have any hands to hold. I don't have any one to play with my hair. I don't have anyone to scratch my back after a long day. No one to lean on when my back hurts. I miss the invasion of personal space.

Come invade. Come scratch my back. Come hold my hand.

no, no, no

Do you ever feel like you are just fooling everyone? That one day they are bound to catch on?

Yeah, me too.

I am the sober Amy Winehouse in a second life. I was born to wear that much eyeliner.

boo.

All you need is love.
Love.
Love is all you need.

<3

burrrr rabbit

It's freezing outside! Ok, so it's not freezing -- it's just barely cold. But jacket cold. Maybe heater cold if you are a pansy like me. BUT! It's not hot. It's not even mildly warm. Ok, I'm saying it's cold.

IT'S COLD! Yay!

Oh, and this weekend I am going with two of my favorite gals, MT and KLR, to Dallas. Woohoo! Be very jealous. We are going to shop, stay at a fun/semi-fancy hotel, eat, and go see Maroon 5 (don't make fun!). Yep, you should be very jealous. We are amazing, and you are sad that you aren't going with us.

seriously.

I can't stop eating. Really. I. Can't. Stop.

The past week or so, I have been on a non-stop eating binge it seems. I'm blaming the womanly time of the month (tmi? sorry). This better stop soon.

What's for dinner?

beantown blues

I miss Boston.

Watching the Sox win game 6 of the ALCS followed by this week's Boston Legal made my heart ache for that place. The Commons, Newbury St., Steak Bomb, Beacon St., Wrap, Charles River, cemeteries, the North End, crazy homeless people, accents, over-priced meals, The Upper Crust, CVS, scamming the mass transit, window shopping for clothes I will never be able to afford, the Pru. I miss it all.

I want to go back.

I need to go back.

This is probably my favorite spot in the world.

5.0

Five years ago today I sent this text message -- "Can we talk?"
He thought I wanted to call things off.
Turns out, I wanted to call things on.
We had a really good 4.5 years. Amazing, really.
We are good now. Friends?
Maybe we will stay friends, maybe we will get back to "us." I'm not sure on that answer right now, but that's ok. We'll figure it out.
I am so lucky that for the past 5 years Patrick has been in my life. He has taught me so much about myself, about how strong I can be, about being a friend, about believing in myself, and most importantly how to have fun.

To five more years of here poochie poochie faces.

Season for thanks.

Things I am thankful for today:
My amazing mom.
Lunch traditions.
Project Runway marathons.
Waking up early.
Good girlfriends.
The Beatles.
Mix CDs.
Vegetables.
Honesty.

I'm sure there are more. But those are the important ones for the moment.

<3

shut up

Please. Just shut up.

I cannot stand it when people come in during the middle my favorite show and start asking questions. Especially when they haven't seen any episodes of the season. I cant take a simple question here and there, because, I even forget some stuff. But to come in being all loud and asking questions that you would have known had you watched any episodes at all and then repeat the question when no one has answered you. Don't you get it that we are trying to pay attention to the show, and I don't know it may be an important part? Just shut your face, please.

What's next? Asking me to sit down during a concert? Oh, yeah. Been there done that.

You know what I'm saying, b?

Can we watch the MOS dvd together curled up on a couch?

:)

Things that make me smile.
Diabetus.
Bad acting on Private Practice where a man kicks his dead wife's grave, then pets it.
White Zynf.
Planning birthday parties.
Tuesday night catch up sessions.
Impulsive WalMart shopping trips.
Gmail emoticons.
Myspace stalking.
Top Model makeovers.
EW.com TV Watch.
Salads.
New love for raw red onions.
Peep toe pumps and flats.
Hoodies.
KLR.
Robin Roberts.
Feta cheese.
Any kind of cheese.
Big Sam.
Bangs.
Love.
And of course, MIGAS!

No one ever tells James Bond which way to go.

I am at home at 4:45 watching Notting Hill. I love it. I miss afternoons to myself. I can get so much done. Like blogging, watching TV, snacks, going to the dr. only to have them reschedule because she has to deliver a baby (by all means don't let me stop you from bringing a human being into the world), getting the hanging down plastic thing on my car fixed. See? Lots of stuff I can get done.

I really do miss being in college. Naps, no worries, being surrounded by friends, grilled stuffed burrito nights, front porches, staying up late, Japanese food trips. Yep, I miss it. But I am starting to like this life.

Today was my one year anniversary at work. I celebrated it by taking the afternoon off for a half day sick day. One year. Already? Geez. Sometimes I feel like I finally have some sort of grasp on my job, and some days I feel as lost as I did one year ago.

things.

-If you haven't watching the new ABC show "Pushing Daisies," then go to abc.com and watch it online. It's amazing. Very Big Fish-ish. The boy is cute, the girl is a Zoe Deschanel twin. And pies and raising people from the dead are involved. Amazing.

-Speaking of TV. I am loving the fall lineup. Grey's is coming back to its roots. Not quite there, yet, but it's on it's way. Desperate Housewives is looking like it's going to be a good season. And Boston Legal. How much do I love Boston Legal? AMILLION! That's how much. Seriously, go rent all of the seasons, or just start watching this one. You will fall in love. It takes place in Boston, William Shatner is in it, AND AND a cute British girl is the new lawyer. She rocks my world. And then there are the old stand bys ... ANTM, LA Ink, Ugly Betty, and you know my thoughts on Dancing with the Stars.

-My mom was home this weekend. It was a much needed visit. We just hung out and cooked the entire time. Oh, and watched Dancing with the Stars. Apparently, we can't get enough. I will be sad to see her go tomorrow. But it'll be ok.

-I'm about ready for the holidays. Or at least some cooler weather. Target has some pretty cute jackets, and I want to be all up on it. Come on fall breeze, where are you?

-I have a slight, ok not so slight, obsession with social networks. OBSESSED. I can't stop. I need to take control over it. I don't know what it is about facebook and myspace. I just constantly check it. I'm going to work on it.

-I need some new good reads. Any ideas? I want like good meaty reading material. Something to feed my mind.

-I'm ready for my life to be settled. I haven't been settled in about a year. Things will look like they are settling, and then bam it gets all stirred back up again. Just ready for something stable. It's coming soon. I'm excited about it.

-My grandmother is absolutely fabulous. I love her so, so much.

America's Next Top Dancing Mom

I just cried while watching America's Next Top Model.
Yes, you read that right.
I just cried while watching America's Next Top Model.
What is wrong with me?

Poor Heather.
Heather suffers from Asperger's syndrome and of course the other girls picked on her. No surprise there. So, Heather turned to her mom for some advice. She couldn't hold back the tears. Her mom told her to keep her chin up, and like any good mom, be kind to the other girls. I suppose Heather's need for her mom's comforting words may have hit a little close to home.

I called my mom tonight crying. Balling actually. My mom moved about 2 months ago to New Orleans. It's been an adjustment to say the least. I couldn't hold back anymore how much I missed her. I cried, she cried. Then what did we do to make ourselves feel better? Discuss this season's Dancing With the Stars. Oh, ABC's fall lineup. How I have missed you so. Mom and I may be 333 miles away, but nothing will cheer us up like a good C-list celebrity Fox Trot.

Period.

Standing in an obnoxiously long line at Albertson's.

Painter Man: I'm not ready for that self check out, just yet.
Me: Oh yeah? I would do it, but I have this motion to bottle of wine in one hand, while trying not to drop bag of chips and two boxes of feminine products in the other.
PM: Ha, yeah.
Manager: I'm going to open this register, just follow me.
I follow PM to the open register. PM motions me to get infront of him in line.
PM: You ... um ... have ... less items than me. Go ahead.
Me: Thanks!

I feel it all. I feel it all.

One week.
Lots of things can change.
I'm liking it.
It's been an interesting summer.
School's back in session, boys and girls.

This lady

And this lady

Are my memory makers.

bonding

Even though I just moved into my new apartment, tonight I am sleeping on a matress in my parent's room with my brother. Why? Because my sink is busted and some guy is coming at the butt-crack of dawn to fix it, and the ac is out at my parent's house -- except for the unit in their room.

Lots of stuff going on in my life. I can't even put it into words at the moment. I will soon.

For now, though I am going to bed at 9:45 p.m. on my parent's floor.

Goodnight.

Thanks.

Thank you. Yep. You.
Thanks. I appreciate your face. All of it.

I have been completely selfish the past few months, and you have allowed me to do that. You put my needs in front of yours. You listened to me. You heard it all. You were a pillar of strength whether you knew it or not. Thank you for letting me get through this. I made it through the other side. I am better because of it. I am great, actually. I'm on the right track.

Thank you. I can't say it enough.

Now, it's your turn. I promise to be a good friend to you. I will put you first now. It's your turn, baby.

Let's go have some fun, and eat some tacos while we are at it.

Story of my life.

You know that dream you have where you are naked and you run into your ex-boyfriend for the first time since breaking up and he is with a girl you are less than fond of as well as his friend who never really liked you anyway at a concert the two of you were supposed to see together and after you talk to him you turn around and fall on your ass?

Yeah, that dream became a reality Friday night -- except I wasn't naked. So, I guess that's a plus.

I just picked myself up from the fall and walked away. I really think it is a metaphor of the past two months of my life.

It would only happen to me, and that is what's so great about my life.

Jage

This past weekend my brother, JJ, and I hit the road for Lafayette/Baton Rouge/Denham Springs. Spending 10 or so hours alone with JJ was the top ten hours of my life.

We said it all by singing someone else's words. Those words became our dialogue. He understood me, and I understood him.

I never realized how much I missed being around him. I didn't realize how much he already knew about me without me having to explain it all. He got it. My little brother is all grown up, and I am really enjoying the person he is becoming.

Just give me JJ, Jeff Tweedy, and the open road, and I'll be just fine.

Got it.

I am feeling pretty good these days. Most days I am feeling pretty good.
My life makes me laugh. I laugh at my situation all the time.
My life is pretty fun, right now. I think I am happy with it.
I just figure I have two choices, be sad and feel sorry for myself all the time, or go out and be happy. I have chosen to be happy. At least make the effort, put the right foot forward to being happy. And that's what I am doing. Sure it's not always going to be easy, and I won't always feel this good. For right now, though, I am good. I have an incredible group of friends, and my family rocks my face off.
I'll just laugh at myself and be happy with what I got.
I got some pretty amazing shit.

Pride.

I weigh 127 pounds. I haven't seen this weight on a scale since high school.
It's not something I am proud of like every one seems to think.
"Jordan, you look so good. I am so proud of you."
Proud of what? Proud that I have been too upset this past month to even have an appetite? Proud that the only thing I feel like I can control is what goes into my mouth?
So, yes, I have lost weight, but it certainly isn't something to be proud of.

I think I am going to go have some ice cream.

He just gets it.

This is 100% completely me right now. It's me.
Thanks for understanding and putting it into words, John Mayer.

"Heart of Life"

I hate to see you cry
Laying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But then the circle of your firends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good

So.

He ended it.
He did what was best for him. Now, it's time for me to do what's best for me.
I am sad, confused, angry, hurt, but most importantly, I am strong. I have found this amazing inner strength. I am ok. I will be great soon, very soon.
I got this, boo. Don't you worry about me.

Modestlicious

Good music can cure anything, but so can some trashy pop music.
Modest Mouse and Fergie they both make me happy, and that's ok with me.

PPP

I have this pencil. This purple perfect pencil. Everything about it is perfect. The way is writes. The weight. The way it erases. Everything. I have had it since my first day. There are only like 5 of them left in the office, and wherever we get them from discontinued making them. I have two, but the other is orange, and we don't have the history.

So, my boss comes in my office the other day to discuss something. She needs a pencil. She uses my purple perfect pencil. We continue talking. She almost hands it to me then we get on a different tangent. She walks out of my office. With. My. Pencil.

Goodbye perfect purple pencil. I will never see you again. I mean, really, what am I supposed to do? Excuse me, can I have my pencil back? I don't think so. I walk by her office and see it sitting on her desk. I wish I could steal it away. I can't. That would be weird. B'bye pencil.

About an hour later ....

I walk past her office.
"Jordan, I think I took your pencil."
"Thanks."

And I do a little dance down the hallway holding my perfect purple pencil tightly.

In need of some positive engergy

Part 2 of things that make me happy.

Blogs.
Boston Legal.
Watching Boston Legal with my parents.
AIM.
Folded clothes.
Getting taxes done.
Being honest.
Cheryl Burke.
Kicking ass on presentations.
Kicking ass in general.
My ass in jeans.
Kool Aid.
Cheez Its.
Getting in my pjs before 9 p.m.
Going to Boston.
Bear hugs.
Clean sheets.
Red fingernails.
Meat rice.
Slow gas pumps.
Pregnant people.
Taxes being done.
Kate Nipper.

That's all I can come up with at the moment. I know there is more, but that is all of the positive energy I can muster up. I'm trying. I really am trying.

The forehead returns.

gotta love it.

A moment can really turn things around. One minute you are moping around the house because your boyfriend is in New Orleans instead of Shreveport. The next moment you are laughing with your mom and your little brother about how he has to pick up his older siblings when they have had too much to drink. What a good brother. It's going to be a good day. I have apple red finger nails. I have some big, funky hair. And, it's going to be a damn good day.

Me with said finger nails, big hair, and the biggest forehead in the world.

that thing.

How you gon' win when you ain't right within?
How you gon' win when you ain't right within?
How you gon' win when you ain't right within?

Sing it, Lauren. Sing it, girl.

cryptic stream of consciousness

I think it's ok to be jealous -- sometimes. It's ok. It means you really want that someone or something. You don't want to lose it. You couldn't stand to loose it. You like things the way they are, and it would break you if it changed. Change. Something I am not good at or counting. I don't like it. I need to learn how to adapt. So what, I like things how they are. I also like things to get better. For things to get even better, things need to change, right? I hate change. I have problems adapting. Please don't let things change too much. What if I can't take it? What if it drives us apart? What if it makes things incredibly better? What if I like it? What if I don't?

I love you, so, so much.

Yep, jealously and change can kiss my ass. I'm going to learn how to get over both of them. Just watch me.

Finally.

I am happy. I can finally say that I am happy. And it seems as soon as I get happy, everyone else around me gets sad or something terrible happens. Maybe me being able to get happy made me get through everyone else's sadness. Does this make sense? Well, it does to me. I now have the strength to be there for you. Let me. I can handle it now.

Maybe something will come along and knock me back down. That is really what I am terrified of, but I am keeping that in the back of my mind. For now, I am happy. Happy to be alive. Happy to drive fast with the windows down blaring the new Modest Mouse.

And now, since I am back to listing it seems, a list of things that make me happy.
Spending too much on tanning.
Seeing my mom use frozen corn on her surgicated foot.
Making up the word surgicated.
Coming home and seeing that my grandmother bought me presents.
Hearing my mom say "it would send me into orbit." Then hearing her say, "I am just really in love with this water. I can't stop drinking it."
March Madness.
Being a terrible speller.
Cooking turkey burgers.
My dad with highlighters for different accounts.
My parents arguing over accounts.
Team account.
My bank account on pay day.
Pay day.
Going to Target after pay day.
Heart pajama pants.
My long hair.
Reading books.
Reading autobiographies.
Reading chick lit.
Literature class.
Park days.
Warm park days.
Laying in the grass on park days.
Sleeping.
Sleeping in.
Sleeping in on rainy days.
Mom paying for prescriptions.
My mom on prescriptions.
Thinking about working out.
Catching up with friends.
Doing nothing with friends.
Best friends.
Smelling good.
Taking showers.
Taking showers in Dallas hotel rooms.
Dallas.
Concerts in Dallas.
MIGAS!
The drive to Dallas.
Road trips with Patrick.
Patrick.
Sleeping with Patrick.
Anything with Patrick -- except fighting.
Home videos.
Christmas pictures.
Pictures.
MacBook audio conferences.

I think that is enough for now.

First.

I will never be good at math.
I will never have silky smooth legs.
I will never be good at telling jokes.
I will never think drugs are cool.
I will never be a good speller.
I will never like to do things alone.
I will never learn how to curl my hair correctly.
I will never have good handwriting.
I will never understand why he really broke up with me.
I will never learn to swim.

I will always like to watch TV.
I will always love Dave Matthews.
I will always be a homebody.
I will always stand up for my brothers.
I will always like to dip french fries into a Frosty.
I will always choose Paul over John, even though I think Ringo and George are way better.
I will always have a little bit of crazy in me.
I will always be afraid of diving boards.
I will always think rainy Fridays are some of the best times of my life.
I will always do the right thing.

I will never have the kind of fun I did that summer again.

Turning it all around.

I'm starting to get out of this funk, and it's feeling pretty good.

Clay masks and Dallas hotel rooms may have a lot to do with this change.

too hot

As I was getting into the groove of things this morning I almost set the building ablaze.

Here's what happened.

I lit a candle, and placed it in an inconvenient place.

As I was writing letters and numbers from a stack of papers that was in hand, I looked up and saw that the pages that were flipped over were on fire. I was holding onto fire. In my office.

As smoke rose, I attempted to blow out the flames I screamed, "Oh shit."

Flames not going out.

Throw stack of burning papers on the plastic thing underneath my desk. Still burning. Still smoke.

This place is going to burn down because I am an idiot.

I am an idiot.

The fire alarm is going to go off because of me.

What puts out fire?

Water.

Water! I have bottled water.

Pour bottled water on-top of flames.

Fire extinguished.

I am a firefighter.

emotion

There is a big ball of it stirring up inside of me. Not sure what to do with it. Be upset? Be mad? Be happy? Be sad? Be disappointed? Be nothing? I need to do something with it, but I don't know how or what or who to direct it at.

I am sure it's just part of growing up. People let you down, you let yourself down, and expectations are not met. Yeah, this part of growing up is no good. I know it will get better. I know that I will once again be confident in myself. I will not need constant reassurance of who I am.

I need to get out of this and fast.

Here's to pointing it at the sun and delicious Icees.

<33333

My date.


His date.


His gifts to me (dinner not pictured).


My gifts to him.



He rocks my world.

Californiaaaaaa here we coooooooooooome.

I am very upset about the end of The OC. Only two more episodes left, and one of my favorite Thursday night shows will be gone forever. First Dawson's Creek, then Friends, soon Scrubs, and now The OC. I suppose I could buy the seasons on DVD, but I just don't feel like The OC was given a chance after the departure of Mischa Barton. Actually, I liked the last season better than the rest because she wasn't on it. I know I sound like some kind of lame-o who is obsessed. I am not obsessed. But I do enjoy the show. Ok, so maybe I am slightly obsessed. And maybe the show did get kinda outta control last season, or was it the one before last? I am not sure. I stopped watching for a while, but never stopped loving it. I would sing the theme song to the top of my lungs and make everyone's ears bleed who was in a mile radius.

I am not sure how the series will end, I just hope Summer and Seth end up together. And in my mind Sandy and Kirsten will be the greatest married couple to ever walk the planet.

Goodbye The OC. I will miss you, but sadly FOX will not.

Because people get shot in the face every day in Oregon.

I am sure I will hear about this from my parents.

I can just hear it.

Dad: Jordan, I read today that a man got shot in the face today in Oregon.

Me: Yeah, Dad I heard that too. The guy who shot him was an idiot druggie.

Dad: See! If you move up there not only will you get shot in the face, but you will turn into a druggie too! Did you know they smoke pot in Oregon?

she is going to kill me.

Em, I hope we have many more nights like this.
I love you.

I feel good, nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh.

I am so happy I could burst right now.

Freaking explode with happiness and sunshine all over the place.

chicken salad sandwich, chips, and tea

You know, I just give up on a "good" post tonight. Sorry, Maggie Mason, I am not doing you proud. I just don't have anything to say tonight. I thought I did. Something about how optimistic Thursdays are. But the bottom line is this, I have a new camera, and I just want to cuddle up with it and tell it just how great it is. Also, sometimes you realize that you just aren't as great at something as you thought you were ... i.e. this blog.

Anyway, tonight I ordered a New Castle while at dinner with my parents and it was the perfect way to end this hectic day.

Get outta my face, January

January is over.

See you later sucker.

I hated January. I am not the type of person who thinks of a new month is a fresh start. The only fresh starts I thought of were school years, and now, those have passed. In keeping with my new year's resolution on being positive, there were good things that happened in January ... I got to see the Nipsys quite a bit, I did not die, and I started a Thursday tradition. But for the most part, January completely blew.

Last night I was reading an interview with Mandy Moore in Jane magazine. For the most part the article was about Mandy's transition period in her life with the big break up with Zach and paying for her new album. I didn't want to feel sorry for her because she has only dated the cutest guys on this earth. AND even though she has a terrible under-bite she still manages to steal my heart in every movie she has been in -- yes even How to Deal. Oh AND remember that way cute short haircut she got that you knew you could never pull off but you really wanted to just let lose and try it just this once? Well, I tried it, and it was dreadful. As I was reading her words on the page, it could have been words out of my diary ... if I even had a diary. It was like the words jumped off the page, grabbed hold of my heart and held on tight. Yes, the girl who sang that terrible candy song with the long flailing arms and drove the lime green bug even though she was only what 14? feels the same way as I do, and it's going to be ok.

I am going to be ok.

Yeah, January was shit, and February is going to be much brighter.

To do.

If I am ever going to move to Portland, like I say I am about 10 times a day, there is some stuff I need to do.

A list. My Portland list.
- Purchase some sort of Northface outerwear and/or apparel. Maybe even a fleece vest.
- Learn how to eat granola on a regular basis, and not just in the chewy chocolate chip bar kind of way.
- Get used to crappy weather, and not see the sun for days.
- Go camping ... in a tent ... and not shower ... for days.
- Smoke weed, because according to my dad, that's all they do in Portland. Smoke weed, and die. Because people die every day in Portland. EVERY DAY!


Well Portland Oregon and sloe gin fizz
If that ain't love then tell me what is

most of my days are kately

This arrived on my doorstep this afternoon.

I have the best separated-at-birth-friend. Every single day I am so thankful I met her. Every day. And an added bonus, she does jazz squares.
So, because of this lovely gal, this -- does waving motion with hands in front of computer screen -- is going to improve, and you may just like what I write. Or, you may not.
One thing is for sure, she is pretty much a-freakin'-mazing.

Love you.

I have attempted to write a post five times in the past week (two times in the past hour).
Here are the things I want to say.
I have been sad, really really sad. Last Sunday and Monday it all came out. I talked about it and the tears just kept coming and coming and coming. I guess sometimes you just gotta get all out. Cleanse yourself, right? I hope I just cried all that sadness away. And the worst part? I didn't know what I was so sad about.

I have some of the best friends -- ever, and I have some of the shittiest ones. This weekend I shared it with my favorite friends. From eating, to drunkenly laughing over Victoria's Secret and dry erase boards, to sitting through Dream Girls, to making fun of Saints fans, to laying in bed listening to the rain. Everything about this weekend was just perfect, and it's not of what I did -- just who I did it with, as always.

Also, I can't wait for me and Patrick to live in the same city-- if that day will ever come. I can't wait until the weekend where we don't have to say goodbye on a Sunday. It breaks my heart a little bit each Sunday when we hug goodbye. Just a few more months I tell myself until he graduates. A few short months. In my eyes, he is the most amazing person I know. I love him so, so much.

WWYD?

This story just amazed me today. Would you jump in front of a subway car to save a complete stranger, put your life in danger in front of your two children? Would you? Frankly, I am not sure if I would. I wish I could say, yes, I would risk my life to save a stranger. Isn't that what we are called to do? So, why don't we? What I know right now is that I am elated that there are people in this world like Wesley Autrey.

The real amazing thing about this story is that Autrey doesn't think that he did anything heroic. According to the New York Times he said, “I don’t feel like I did something spectacular; I just saw someone who needed help. I did what I felt was right.”

I believe we can all learn something from Wesley Autrey, and I hope we will never forget it.

So fresh and so clean, clean

Last night I did not declare any resolutions as we rang in 2007 in John and Whitney's front lawn. But it seems like there are several things I would like to work on with this fresh start.

Here is a list of my work-olutions because I just don't like resolutions.

-Be organized. This room of mine has got to get clean, and so does my car. It's embarrassing. Not only my room and car, but just everything in my life seems to be so disorganized, and I can't live like this anymore. I bought a new planner, and I am ready to fill it up with tasks and to dos.

-Be optimistic. I use to be such an optimistic person. It seems like now all I can ever think about is that bad things in life, in people, situations ... just everything. I have got to stop it. Sure my life isn't exactly how I want it. But is yours? Maybe if I get my shit together then it will turn out how I would like. I know it will be soon.

-Be creative. I truly miss writing columns. I am going to start writing columns on Fantastic Lies. Maybe it will improve my rapidly declining writing skills, and make this a little more entertaining. Also I am going to try and be crafty, although that is the complete opposite of who I am. I am certainly give it a try. Get me a glue gun and some construction paper, and I'll go to town.

-Be patient. I don't think there is anything that needs to be said with this one.

-Be adventurous. Dare I say camping is in my future? Perhaps. Maybe I'll try a day hike or a bike ride or just spend a day with Matt Nipper. Whatever it is I need to start doing it.

I hope you can accomplish your work-olutions in 2007, and if you need any help, I'll be right here.